Saturday, 9 May 2009

Mother's Day Eve

I always get despondent about Mother's Day.

Just The Four Boys don't really care about it and I rarely get a card, flowers, perfume, breakfast in bed, taken out for lunch/dinner .. whatever the advertisers say you are supposed to do for a Mummy. One year they did give me something - a bread maker. They staggered in at the crack of dawn with it all wrapped up and a HUGE bag of bread flour and announced "Hooray - we can have bread for breakfast"!! So I had to get up and learn how to make bread. I do love making bread - I let the machine do all the hard work and then transfer the dough to a heavy tin and cook it in the oven (of the trusty Rayburn). The Rayburn makes the BEST bread, too! It is much nicer than the funny shaped loaf that comes from the machine.

But that isn't why I get despondent about Mother's Day. Not totally. My boys are lovely, caring and kind and think of me all the time so I don't miss getting something for Mother's Day. Except when other people talk about all the wonderful things they did/received and then I get a tad envious...

On May 13 1989 I had a stillborn baby. It was Mother's Day Eve. So every Mother's Day Eve as well as May 13 I get sad for little Hannah who didn't get to grow up and give me pressies on Mother's Day cos that is what daughters do. And she would be 20 next week and I often wonder which of my boys she would be like.
Would she be really creative in the kitchen and be a chef, or a total computer geek, or kind to people and caring, or would she be brave and wild and be able to fix all sorts of stuff? Or, having four big brothers, would she have been a mixture of all of them and be wild and funny and caring and clever and musical and adventurous and have a million friends and have already been around the world a couple of times and even made a quilt. She would be over all those horrible angsty teenage years and would be gorgeous.

I did make her a quilt.
A few years ago I had a very strong urge to sew. And I started this quilt late in the afternoon and sewed until 2 a.m. Then woke at 6 a.m. and realised it was Mother's Day and Hannah would have been 16 when I started sewing. I don't usually make girly pink quilts, but this is the quilt I made for Hannah.
I will sleep under it tonight and dream of being the Mum of a daughter.

9 comments:

One Little Thread said...

Hannah's quilt is lovely and I'm sending you a big cyber-hug :) My mummy will be feeling it too as none of her kids are nearby either. And if it's any consolation, we don't do anything in this house as I loathe the commercialisation of it all.
Ali KC

Lindi said...

Hannah's quilt is lovely, Jas. It's good to have something tactile to remember her by.

We don't always celebrate Mother's Day on the actual day. We just set aside a day in May, or another month, where we all get together for a meal, and I don't have to cook.

Hugs to you at this special time.

Lizzie said...

Thats a beautiful quilt Jas. It's so hard I know, sometimes it just hits like a sledgehammer. My first baby boy was 2 weeks short of his first birthday when I lost him. Two years ago I did a scrap book page and posted it on my blog. We do what we have to do to survive, to get through the day. Love and hugs for you and Hannah. We are strong, we are woman!

Dzintra Ingrid said...

Hello have stumbled upon your blog...I so feel for you...(tears)...This is a beautiful quilt you made for Hannah♥♥♥

sMC said...

haha now why did I do a post similar to yours. Love the quilt sweet dreams of Hannah, what a lovely name.

Bernadette said...

Love and hugs to you on Mothers Day Jas!xxx

sallyh said...

Thank you for posting about Hannah - for me it was good timing and has pulled me up out of depression. I am SO lucky I have a daughter with all those wonderful attributes you described. The only thing is that she is living in England and marrying an Englishman and I have been so sad about losing her.....but you have made me realize how blessed I am to have her and for that I thank you. I wish you well and I enjoy your blog.

Slim said...

Thank you for your Mother's Day story. Narada was born on Mothers Day, May 13, 1990 at 9.00 am. A wonderful present to be sure. Govinda departed this world on May 24, so it's always a melancholy time of year for us. xox

Micki said...

I am enjoying reading your blog, and this post was so nice. I know that around Mother's Day and Father's Day, it is a hard time, when one has lost both parents. I was born on Father's Day. Glad that I found your blog, and hope you are feeling better!
Micki